


To Waltz with the Sun

by Stormraven24



Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Angst, F/M, Prequel, complicated love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-26
Updated: 2013-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-26 22:29:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/655079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormraven24/pseuds/Stormraven24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being turned to stone, Discord has a lot of time to think. Most of his thoughts center on one pony in particular: Celestia. Set pre-FiM, Discord's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Waltz with the Sun

Do you ever think about the day we met? Of course you don't. The _great_ Princess Celestia, Ruler of Equestria can't be bothered to dwell on the past. "Always look to the future," you used to say. I'll bet you still teach it to your little pupils, all bright-eyed and disgustingly trusting. You never did like to think about the old days, even when we were younger. And I know you well enough to know that you haven't changed. You're far too busy ruling over your little ponies, raising the sun and moon (how is dear Luna, by the way, or have you forgotten her as well?), walking, breathing, _living_ to remember how things used to be. I despise you for that, you know. Here I am, trapped in this motionless form, forced to watch the world go by with all these ideas and pranks swirling around in my head but never getting to try them out, while you go on your merry way and live your life as you were meant to. But we'll come back to that later.

In the beginning you used to visit me, remember? You were so very cruel back then, my dear. Everyone always thought that _I_ was the monster, but that's not entirely true, is it. Sure, I may be a bit hard to look at and my sense of humor doesn't exactly match that of anyone else; that I'll admit. But your subjects don't know the real you, do they? If they knew the real reason you imprisoned me they'd tear you from your throne and throw you from a cliff. After all, these ponies would keel over if they knew that their beloved princess, the one who made the sun shine every day, had once been involved with a thing like me. Yes, I remember that time, that oh-so-brief time I thought you could ever come to care for me the way I did for you. But then you and your sister betrayed me and turned me into a glorified lawn ornament. I would have been impressed if you hadn't been so serious then.

But back to my point. When was the last time you came to visit me, hmm? Do you even recall how many times you lowered the sun on me since that day? Well, I don't know how long it's been either (it's funny how being completely immobile can make a concept like time so completely meaningless), but I never forgot. At first you came rather often, much to my displeasure. You would speak to me, though you seemed to have forgotten that stone cannot hear. I told myself that I could see a trace of sadness in your face, in those haunting eyes of yours, that your lovely voice was filled with regret. I imagined that the spell you had cast over me required two to create it, therefore would need two to break it. I imagined that you were telling me you were searching for a way to release me on your own or somehow convince Luna to help you. Well, that was just silly of me to think, wasn't it.

I had a lot of time to think back on our meetings; the more I remembered the more I realized that this whole relationship of ours was one-sided. I showed off to you every chance I got (admit it, you liked the cotton candy clouds), even made it rain your favorite drink more than once, but you never once returned the gestures. Even after years of being _friends_ you wouldn't even let me touch you. How prudish of you. Was it because you couldn't stand the sight of me, let alone let me lay a claw on that pristine white body? Did you think I would sully you, make you unclean? Did you?

Now now, Discord. Don't get angry. It's not going to do you any good in your current condition. All I ever really wanted from you, my dear _princess_ , was to be close to you. The first time I laid my eyes on you I knew you were someone special. The first time I heard you laugh was a melody, and the first time _I_ made you laugh was exquisite. So I went further, pushed the invisible boundaries between us just to hear you laugh again. Perhaps I went too far sometimes, but you still liked it. If you didn't you wouldn't have continued to seek me out, would you. Little miss princess, miss perfection herself liked a little chaos every now and then. Your subjects would have balked at the scandal. _Their_ princess gallivanting about with a creature like me? How unheard of! They would have positively died from shock if they knew just how far we could have gone if you hadn't had that damn pride hanging over your head like some kind of banner. Don't look at me like that, imaginary-Celestia. You know very well that's how I ended up here in the first place. It wasn't because I tried to undermine your rule or anything so petty; you knew exactly what I was and what I did the minute you met me and still you came to me. You and your sister trapped me because you thought it was the only way to save yourself…from yourself. You knew what I wanted, and you knew on some level you wanted it, too. Back then I saw how even when you were surrounded by ponies you looked so lonely, so achingly sad and forlorn. You never wanted to be a ruler of anything. But you couldn't very well live amongst the _normal_ ponies, could you? You would always be treated differently just because you had both wings and a horn whereas everyone else only had one or the other…or neither. You had Luna, but you threw her away as well when she became so heartbroken at how unloved she was by her own subjects. So now you're completely alone. I could have ended that loneliness, my dear. You know it. You just refuse to see how similar we are, even moreso now that you've shown your true colors.

Once again, how is Luna? I can hear her thoughts sometimes, don't you know. She's changed in so many ways, but is still as distrustful as ever. But we've only got each other now (as unpleasant as it is), and even then only on nights when the moon is full and shining bright in the sky. She talks about you a lot. It's most irritating. In the midst of all her ramblings I have to wonder: did you ever take the time to listen to her as you never did me? Ignoring my own feelings towards you I can understand, but your own sister? For shame, Celestia. She never had the same respect given to her that was bestowed upon you. Now why do you think that is, hmm? Could it be because you never thought to praise her once in a while, let her know how important she was to you? No, I don't mean how important her _job_ was; I mean how much you cared about her. No, you didn't. She didn't become Nightmare Moon until you turned your back on her pain, essentially telling her to "get over it". You couldn't handle a tantrum from your baby sister, so you imprisoned her on the moon. And they call _me_ the monster.

Yet there you are, prancing around your palace without a care in the world. You cast away your sister and me, the only ones who knew the real you, or so we thought. You deserve your loneliness, love. You deserve every bit of it. Luna and I can do nothing but watch the world pass us by, no longer allowed to be a part of it, thanks to you. What did we do, really? Was it because Luna couldn't stand to continue her existence in the shadow of her perfect older sister? Was it because I tried to get too close? I never had you pegged as one to be so utterly…you know what, it doesn't matter anymore. You took everything I had to offer except the one thing I wanted you to have the most. I know you'd probably rather pitch yourself off a tower than hear it, but you need to wake up and realize the truth: I love you, Celestia. I always have. I think I still do, just a tiny bit. I'm not the heartless beast you make me out to be, you know. If anything, I'm the nicer of the two of us: when I destroy things and mess with ponies' heads I'm upfront about it. I let them know exactly what I am and what it is I do, even if they're too ignorant to comprehend what an agent of chaos does. But you…you, love, are the true fiend. Because you are every bit as radiant as the sun you are loved and cherished. But your little ponies don't know what goes on in that beautiful head of yours, do they. They don't know how you abandoned Luna and me to such horrible fates.

At first I begged for death. I thought it would have been the kinder option than being turned into stone. I still believe that, you know. And you knew it then as well. To kill me would have been too kind for such a beast as I. The flawless princess would _never_ order the death of another living creature, despicable as it may be, let alone carry out the deed herself. What if blood got on her snow-white coat? How icky! So what did you do instead? _I know! Let's turn him to stone! He can be a conversation piece for the next party! Ha ha!_ Oh, don't be so serious, dear; you know you've thought it at least once. I'll say it again: you're a very cruel mistress, Celestia.

I've been here so long I can no longer remember the sound of your voice or the scent of your mane. Good. I need no reminders of how I can never have you, how you will always be just a step out of my reach. But I'll let you in on a little secret: I can feel this granite getting thinner. Where once I could hardly feel anything, I can now blink. I can move! Your magic is waning, dear princess. You can feel it, too, can't you? All those centuries of keeping the world and the heavens in check are taking their toll on you. Again, good. You were never meant for such a boring life and you know it. Can you even recall your life before controlling every facet of the planet, back when nature ruled wild and free as it was always meant to? The world survived just fine without your interference, and it will do so again if you simply let it.

I'll be free soon, Celestia, along with you sister; your magic can only hold us for so long, and you should have known that chaos cannot be contained indefinitely. What a happy little reunion it will be (not). You might be able to talk Luna out of her hatred, but you'll never do the same to me. Not again. I despise you, my love, and you'll never be free of me. Oh, the plans I have in store for you and your precious little ponies! But not yet. Not yet. A small part of me wonders if I can ever make you see my side of things, make you understand that there is beauty in bedlam that your sacred _harmony_ can never emulate. You wanted me to be a monster? Then you shall have it, dear heart. I'll turn your world upside down and show you just how much you underestimated me. Control will become disorder, left will be right, white will be black, and so on and so on. Maybe then you'll see how wrong you've been all these long years.

Ah, but listen to me prattling on like this! How rude of me. You go on and continue your charade for just a bit longer, love. I'll sit here all nice and quiet and still as stone (aren't I the witty one?) and make my plans. Well, not _plans_ , per se, what with me and my love of things being spontaneous and unpredictable, but you get the gist. Maybe I'll come visit you first, Celestia. Or maybe I'll leave clues first and make _you_ come find _me._ Oh, this will be fun! Just you wait!

 


End file.
